I’ve had a girlfriend for 5 months. We love and trust each other but, I find it difficult to understand why she never calls or texts me. She doesn't make any initiative to go out together and it's always from my side. It feels like a one-sided relationship like she only loves the attention. What should I do?

quora.com

Mar 12, 2018 6:57 PM

Jon Mixon

Dated and have had relationships

184w ago

Here’s a solution to find out why she is doing what she is doing that has an almost 100% success rate: Ask her.

Take some time when you are together alone and express to her what you have written here. Then shut up and listen to what she says. Not what you think that she says or what you want to hear; but actually what she says to you.

If it is something that you think that you can deal with, then go from there. If it is something that you think needs to be changed, then tell her that and see what she says. If she doesn’t see this being a problem for her, then make your decision accordingly.

Don’t ask us what she thinks.
Ask her.

Pia Cardeno

Level 2 Ninja

184w ago

There are a number of factors that could influence her behaviour such as:

• Culture: Do you live in a country where it is expected from a man to initiate everything? Because where I'm from it is to be expected that the man should be chivalrous. Courting is still very commonplace and it is normal to see a guy courting a girl (with him going usually going all out for a girl) for months without them being in a relationship. Though much has changed over the past few years, this is still a general, widespread practice. However, once they're considered as boyfriend-girlfriend, things eventually even out and effort is expected to come from both parties.

• Age and maturity: Some girls—and guys—do just want to have fun, especially during a certain age (teenage to early adulthood years, most likely). Maybe she isn't as serious about the relationship as you. I'm not saying that she's cheating on you, but maybe she doesn't see the relationship going anywhere as far as you do. Maybe she doesn't want it to go as far.

• Her family: Her family will most likely influence her values and beliefs, of course. She might be more inclined to let you exert most of the effort because that's how her parents are, or because that's what she sees in her brother.

These are just a few of many reasons why she could be acting that way towards you. The best way to get to the bottom of this, as trite as this may sound, is to simply talk to her. Be calm and really listen to her. I know you must be thinking that it's gonna be another effort on your part but this just might help you resolve your problem. If she refuses to talk or ignores your advances to talk, or if she simply rejects the idea that you two have to talk, that's also an answer in itself.

Nishant Kumar

for all I can really give you is love.

109w ago

You chose the right guy to ask this question to.

Loved the answer of Jon Mixon below.  I am just stating the process of implementing his idea below.  So listen close.

Hello!  I am Nishant.  A few things about me:

• I don't like cell phones.  They seem irritating to carry and attend to.
• I don't like crowded or inside city public places.  Nor do I like clubbing.
• I love travel.  Exploring natural scenic places.
• I love writing stories and moments.
• I like the quiet and peace of home.  I like having real conversations with people there.
• I don't like outside food.  Although I love cooking.  I like spending my Fridays not with pizza but with a nice meal prepared at home by me.
• I am not a cleanliness freak.  I freak only when it starts smelling bad.

Also, I have a girlfriend.  A few things about her:

• She likes partying and clubbing.  A lot.
• She is always seen with her phone in hand.  Always.
• She loves to travel.
• She is a cleanliness freak!  No blackheads, no clutter, no shoe without its partner... you get the idea!
  (Ahan!  No toothpaste on the fridge!!)

Now if you compare, the situation got similar to yours for us too:

• never called/texted her that often
• never arranged dates with just her and me to fancy places
• never went on weekly shopping spree with her
• never gave her those surprise gifts

And she was feeling bad.  She once said how she felt this to be a one sided relationship.

What to do then?

First, start treating the person like they expected out of you.  If you love them, you will find happiness in this process, despite this being not your natural self (we all can change!)

Second, when she is happy and chirpy again, sometime nice, have the talk.  Say your part and ask her's.  Understand each other that day.

P.s.:  If you guys do nothing in common, you are living a lie with her.  Sorry to be rude.  :/

Meenakshhi Mishra

Happily married for more than two decades!

183w ago

May be you are asking her out or calling her too much. She has not felt the need to call you. Give her some space and time to realize that. Let her miss you. Even then if she does not call you etc , then there is a problem.

She sounds a lot like me. I am very bad at calling people even if they are very close to me.

Penny Chan

studied at California State University, Long Beach

183w ago

Stop calling/texting. Or call/text less. Then just wait and see what happens. You may learn that she just prefers that you do all the work.
 OR she's just shy and thinks she shouldn't voluntarily contact you. 
OR just ask her why she doesn't like to text/call/make plans. Tell her that the relationship feels one-sided. 
Then its up to you to decide if you want to continue this way. And remember, if a relationship feels like too much work now, it will be even worse 6 months from now.

Nigel Ciera

Marketing Analysist (2000-present)

183w ago

I respectfully disagree with you. You DON'T need any help at all. What you need is to have a woman in your life who's going to give you the attention and affection you'd most like to have in a relationship. As you know, or should know, there are selfish people in this world who are more than willing to have all kinds of wonderful things happen to them but they aren't willing to lift a finger to please anyone else. You seem and appear to be in a relationship that's considered "unrequited love". Basically, it's love that is not returned. Sure it's difficult a relationship but it's almost like this. Do you want to do all the preparing, the cooking and setting the table every time the two of you eat and she just walks away leaving you to clear the table and do the dishes and put them away? If you're into that sort of thing, knock yourself out. Me, I'd much rather be a team and enjoy each other's company than have someone use me day after day. Good luck!

Vijaya Singh

works at Students

183w ago

I am also the kind of girl you are talking about in the above context. What I think is that there when there is trust, understanding, ability to comprehend things these don't mean much. With me there is no continuous nagging that why should I call and text. It does matter to other half but for people like us its completely okay. We will take call and text..No ignorance...But that doesn't make us least interested in relationship..
Some people are wired to be so. Its like she is a person who keeps her thoughts to herself (read deepest thoughts) and don't easily open up to others esp. to someone who would mean world to her. Give her time, i mean she will take a lot of time than others but she is worth it. Patience is all what you need in a steady relationship. And she doesn't crave for your attention. She is just giving time to herself and to you for unprecedented turn of events.
And you can ask her the same question and she would reply in a mumbo-jumbo, total incoherence in her thoughts, struggling with her words...because she knows you won't understand the super weird philosophy behind it..
I hope I am clear.. :P :P

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