Is it better to let someone you love go when the feeling isn't reciprocated?

quora.com

Mar 13, 2018 9:55 AM

G Ross Clark

Online Mindfulness Trainer (MBSR & MBCT)

47w ago

Answer- Yes

The Golden Rule of relationships to let go of unrealistic exceptions.

What we are really letting go are our expectationsof the relationship and the other person.

The Hawaiians have a ritual for letting go of others. If and when they came back into our lives, the connection is automatically re-established. :-)

Respectfully, G Ross Clark

Diandra Blackthorn

Behavioral Modification Therapist

91w ago

LET GO. What you may be doing is obsessing over a fantasy that you’re insisting on about the person in your head - and that fantasy is all about you, not them.

You may have already heard this, and are going to hear it for the rest of your life: When you love yourself, you attract the people who will love you.

There are so very few people who have good turnouts from dating their friends. What usually happens is that you lose your friend.

I suggest asking yourself these questions:

1 - Am I feeling lonely, stressed, [insert adjective about feeling less than your best here] and projecting a desire onto my friend?

2 - Am I making up a story about who this person is (the fantasy) and ignoring signals to the contrary?

3 - Am I willing to lose this friend, maybe forever?

While the adage , “nothing ventured, nothing gained” is true, it may be wise to consider what you have to lose before taking such a risk.

On the other hand, you can choose to get clear on the situation by jovially asking your friend, “Have you ever thought about us as a couple? What would that be like?” And listen carefully to what is said. At least, this will give you an idea of what your friend feels about you as a romantic partner.

However, be prepared for weirdness - sometimes, people can’t just have a hypothetical conversation and they begin to have all kinds of fantasies of their own - which may not be to your liking.

Good luck! And while you follow your heart, let your brain take the reigns.

Wasim Sheikh

Learned a few lessons from poeple who did not stay in my life forever.

91w ago

If you have developed feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same, most people would suggest cutting that person out of your life. But sometimes it's not so easy. Maybe you work together, or you're in the same classes, or you're part of the same friend group. How do you put aside your feelings?

Allow yourself to feel upset.While you may be tempted to push your feelings down and pretend they don't exist, this is only a temporary solution. Feelings don't just "go away" if you ignore them--they come out in other, usually destructive ways. 
Give yourself the time and space to express your sadness.
- Cry, punch a pillow, sit in your car and scream if you think it will release some of the negativity.
- Try not to turn to alcohol or other substances to cope with your feelings. This may work temporarily, but it may only make things worse in the long-run.
- Be careful that you don't get caught up in your sadness. At a certain point, you will have to start making moves to heal. If it's been weeks and you've stopped taking care of yourself (not showering, crying all the time, refusing to see friends), then it's time to focus on feeling better.

Know that you can't force the person to return your feelings. Even if you think it's clear you are meant to be, the hard truth is that she doesn't feel the same. You can't control how someone else feels or chooses to do with her life. 
You may be tempted to try and change her mind--with passionate pleas, gifts, or even yelling--but you can't make someone feel something she doesn't feel.
- Keep in mind, this person is probably not trying to hurt you. She can't make herself have feelings for you, either.

Give yourself as much space as possible.If you can, take a break from this person for a while. You don't have to be mean or cut him out completely, but some distance is necessary for you to put these feelings to rest. 
If this person is part of your daily life (like a coworker or classmate), do everything you can to minimize your contact with him. Don't sit next to him/her at lunch, don't walk him/her to class.
- This means minimizing your contact online, too. If you can unfollow, unfriend, or at least hide this person from your social media, do so. Checking on his Facebook/Instagram/­Twitter will just keep the feelings alive.

Don’t take it personally. Rejection, especially romantic rejection, seems like the most personal thing in the world. But much of the time, rejection has more to do with the person rejecting you and his issues, than you yourself.
- Don’t think that because this person doesn’t like you, no one ever will.

Reconnect with acquaintances or make new friends. If this person is part of your main crew or is someone with whom you’ve been very close, it’s time to expand your circle or friends. Call up someone you haven’t seen in a while and ask if she wants to hang out. Or chat with that guy you’re sort-of friends with in class and see if he wants to catch a movie sometime.
- Focusing on this one person you have feelings for can narrow your scope: it can seem like no one else exists or can make you happy. Meeting new people reminds you this is not true.
- Don't isolate. You may feel like you just want to be left alone, and that's okay sometimes. But spending time with other people will speed up the healing process and distract you.

Leo Asher Xavier

I can't really say I know much about the action of it. But I do help people.

91w ago

Let go of what? You can’t force yourself to stop having such feelings. I’ve seen a lot in my brief existence and some of it wasn’t even me.

Don’t give up, ever. Fight for everything, walk forward. Don’t accept stagnancy.

My mother fell in love with my dad knowing it was unlikely he’d ever love her back, even to the end of his life he didn’t love her. But she didn’t care, he made her happy.

You’ll be surprised how spontaneously love can be pulled from thin air. I know nothing of your situation but I can never tell someone to let go.

I left someone in my life, she was my fiancee. We loved each other very much, something happened to us and I gave up.. It’ll never happen again. Don’t give up, take the chance, step forward! People come and people go, love appears and love disappears. It’s truly the things in life that you don’t do, the things you wonder about, what could of been IF you’d taken the chance. I only have one regret in my life, it’s not giving up. That was a lesson to learn, my regret was missing my sisters high school graduation. I won’t miss her college graduation. Walk forward, take the chance. Don’t live wondering.

I’ve cried while writing most of this =’). My father was a glorious man. Do as my mother did, take the chance.

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